Saturday, December 10, 2005

'Twas the Fight Before Christmas


"With Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap,
In ran St. Nicholas ready to slap!"

Recently, my friend Graham published on a little known but TRUE anecdote about how jolly ol' St. Nicholas slapped a heretic across the face at a church meeting and then was defrocked of his bishopric and thrown in prison. I just read a similar story on World Magazine's blogsite , and I will republish it here:

"Santa Claus, Heretic Slapper
Rev. Scott Stiegemeyer imparts the delicious information that
St. Nicholas, who would later become the model for Santa Claus, attended the Council of Nicea, which affirmed the deity of Christ. Not only that, he got so fed up at the heretic Arius that he went up and slapped him, for which he had to apologize. (Rev. Petersen, who first brought this up, has more.)
We need to work that into our Christmas imagery: Santa Claus going around battling heretics who deny who Jesus is. And giving a gentle but heart-felt slap to people who take Christ out of Christmas. Department Store Santas quizzing children who sit on their laps about the Two Natures of Christ and giving clerks who say "Happy Holiday" a slap. Also teachers who forbid the singing of Christmas carols because they mention Jesus. And ministers who cancel Sunday church services that fall on Christmas day.
We will need songs ("Santa Claus is Coming to Slap"; "Frosty the Gnostic"; "Rudolph the Red Knows Jesus"). And Christmas specials ("How the Arian Stole Christmas").
Help me out here. What else could we do to recast Santa as a jolly old theological enforcer? I feel a column coming on."